Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
