you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
