Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
