yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
