I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
