i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
