where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
