In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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