he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
