I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
