Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
