there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
