I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
