i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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