if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
as a side note pls kill me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
