it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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