I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
