I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
