True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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