can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
