I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let's get the cat blown out
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
