We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
