So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would fuck him just for his dog
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
