I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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