The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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