Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
