Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
