so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
