would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
