don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
