i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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