Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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