Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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