ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
