Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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