Pants 0. Shit 1.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
