i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
