Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
