I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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