Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
