okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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