He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
