Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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