i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
