Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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