my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
