I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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