I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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