I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
