I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
