i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
