i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
