Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
