I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
