Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
